28 October 2004 @ 07:59pm
title: you can’t see me now
mood: scared
I’m really shy. And worse than just being shy, I hate that I am shy. Sometimes I’m really the opposite of shy but I’m never like that when it actually matters. It seems like I can’t find a good medium to be at. I’m either really quiet and don’t interact with people (i.e. shy) or I’m very loud and obnoxious. But it seems as if I can only be the latter if I have a friend around me. I’ve noticed that I’m really reserved if I don’t have a friend to back me up. I guess it’s a comfort thing - if I have someone there who I know well, I can rest assured that even if I make a complete fool of myself, there will be someone there who won’t be completely weirded out.
So going back to being shy - I think I have missed a lot of things being this way. A lot of lost opportunities that I could have taken that I passed up because I didn’t have the courage. It’s not a “fear of failing” mentality either, which is what makes being this way so hard. So now I sit and wonder and think about everything that points to what I could have had and know that it doesn’t mean what I wish it did. You know what I’m saying? No? Well, that’s okay too.
Age: 16
